Progress

Last summer, just a few weeks before finding out I was pregnant, I had my 'aw-haw' moment. A moment that I didn't realize was so pivotal until a few short months ago when I finally connected everything together and let go. 


I think the real connection really started after giving birth to beautiful Norah. I was not expecting the delivery to go the way it did, but the days following I marveled at the human body, my body, for doing what it just did. From the beginning of the actual creation of this little human, her growing inside me, and delivering a perfect, healthy baby was mind-blowing. I have never been so proud of myself and I still get teary eyed saying those words in my head, "I'm, proud of myself." That really was the first moment in my life that I remember being truly proud of something I had done.  I was in awe of my own power. A power that all of us women possess, with children or not. It is part of our divine creation as women. It was then, even after years of being taught I was special and worthy, that I realized I was truly a daughter of God. A realization I hope everyone experiences A LOT sooner than I did.

The details of the critical moments of my childhood are a bit too personal to share in this setting, but I think the principle is the same for all of us. We all have things happen to us, most likely during our adolescence, that subconsciously affect us until we recognize it and take the steps necessary to move on and let go.  I learned that these happenings have major effects that cause us to react a certain way in particular situations. Without some personal retrospection and reflection, we can go on in life not understanding ourselves, questioning and doubting our self-worth and our decisions. After years of keeping the past hidden in the back of my mind and secret, it came back to the forefront and it was as though all the puzzle pieces came together in just a matter of seconds and I understood that it was not just my crazy self putting all those worthless, ugly, fat, no-good-for-nobody thoughts in my head.

I was finally able to make my own connection of the past and present, accept how it had affected me over the years, forgive others AND myself, and let go. There is nothing good that comes from holding on to anything from the past that youcannot change. I'll be honest, the hardest part is making that connection, but I promise once you do, and take the necessary actions to let yourself be free of it, you will finally be free to move forward and make you your best possible self. This is obviously a process, it's not like 1 day will make whatever happened change nor will the years of self-doubt and lack of self-worth go away the next day. However, with this recognizing and identifying things will get SO much better SO much quicker. It has stunned me how people I have known a long time give me such uplifting and kind comments more now than ever it seems, or maybe I'm just in a place now that I can actually recognize them as compliments and accept them. Who knows? Either way, I am SO much happier.





What has this got to do with fitness and diet?  EVERYTHING.  Once my relationship with myself got better, my relationship with food did a 180 degree turn and is better now than I can ever remember.  Finding out what past experiences cause you to turn to or away from food, drugs, relationships, whatever it may be makes it a whole lot easier to face those temptations when they come along and you'll be strong enough to not give in.